February 23

Today was another day of planning and running around.  As usual, being busy is therapeutic.

 If I ever start a new blog, I think I will call the blog "Judy's Song".  My inspiration comes from the old TV series, "The Thornbirds".  Perhaps you will remember the reason for the title.  Apparently, the thornbird when it reaches the end of its life impales itself in a thornbush.  As the tiny bird is dying, it sings its sweetest song.  Judy's last few years have been a sweet, sweet song.  I read today that "so many people are expecting a miracle rather than being a miracle".  Judy's life was a miracle.  I cannot tell you how many good things that have happened in Judy's life that were miracles.  As tributes pour in from countless people, I am reminded over and over again of the miracle that was Judy.  Well done good and faithful servant, you have earned your rest.

February 22

Today was a busy day.  Most of the day was spent making arrangements for Friday's Celebration of Life.  Audrey and I had an appointment with the funeral home this afternoon.  Nice people. 

One of the greatest joys of today was receiving help with various aspects of Friday's Celebration.  Everyone I asked for help said, "Yes, I would be honored to help." 

A large part of the day was spent receiving numerous condolences and words of encouragement from neighbors, friends, and family.  Of course, my tears are right near the surface and so many times today, kind words, sentiments, and remembrances of Judy turned me to mush.

Now is time for a sleep.  Tomorrow will be another busy day.

Celebration of Life

A celebration of Judy's life will be held on Friday, February 26, 2:00 pm at:
Christ Church Anglican

515 28th St W

Saskatoon

 

 

February 21

My beloved Queen died this evening around 7:30 pm.  Our family gathered in Judy's room to begin saying good-bye.  As I arrived at the room, there was a stain glass angel hanging on the door.  As I entered the room, I saw Judy was lying peacefully with her left hand resting on a heart-shaped pillow placed upon her chest.  Her right hand was placed over her tummy.  A beautiful quilt with an angel was over her body.   Judy looked as lovely as ever with her face being peaceful and serene. Mary combed her bangs just the way Judy would like them. We cried.  We reminisced.  Then we laughed.  Most of the laughter was about choosing a new Queen.  Some voted for David and some voted for Audrey.  We had to phone David's son, Justin, to decide the matter.  Justin appointed Judy's mother as the first Queen and played the fanfare whenever the Queen arrived.  It was only fitting that he should choose the successor.  He chose Audrey.  We phoned David with the news of his defeat.  As consolation, he will continue as Court Jester.

Each family member and their spouse had a turn alone with Judy before we parted.  I asked Audrey to be the last to spend time with Judy alone because she has known Judy the longest. During my turn with Judy I thanked her for 34 wonderful years of marriage.  I thanked her for making me a better man.  God knew what He was doing when he joined Judy and I as husband and wife.  I also promised her that I would continue, to the best of my abilities, the traditions that she upheld so faithfully.  Most importantly, I told her that I love her and that's all that really matters.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.





Thank you

February 20

Not much new to report today.  Judy continues to rest peacefully. 

February 19

A funny thing about maintaining a vigil...everyone makes predictions about when a person will die.  Some say people hang on until some event occurs like a visit from a loved one or a special day like a birthday or anniversary.  Others look at physical signs such as skin coloration or swollen joints.  I have grown weary of hearing predictions.  All I know is: Judy will die when the time is right.  As humans, we are very impatient and cannot understand why a person would hang on when they are non responsive, but I know when all this is said and done, we will see God's wisdom in the time he appoints for Judy to take his hand and enter into a new place where there are no more tears, no more sorrow, no more chemo treatments, no more bad news, no more surgeries, no more disorganized closet space.  I know that Judy is still aware of our comings and goings.  When I entered the room today, Judy turned her head ever so slightly to acknowledge my arrival.  She does not have the strength to move her lips, but when I look into her eyes, I sense a "knowing".  She is thinking who knows what?  Did Alvin Vim the sink?  Did he water the plants?  Has he been washing the crystal by hand instead of the dishwasher?  Has Alvin paid the phone bill? What are my friends and family doing?  I really don't know what she is thinking, but she does know she is loved by many.

February 18

Thank you for your prayers.  I am feeling better today.  As usual, the appropriate medicine for me is to get active.  Yes, I visited Judy for a few hours today, but I also ran some errands and I re-potted all the succulent plants that I am keeping over the winter.  I am sure Judy will approve.

Judy was peaceful today although her breathing was somewhat erratic.  Mary spent most of the day with Judy.  Audrey and Michelle, her daughter, were up to see Judy as well.  David flew back to Toronto and will be back next Wednesday.  Life continues.

Charlie Brown says to Snoopy, "Some day we will all die, Snoopy."
Snoopy replies, "True, but on all the other days, we will not."

February 17

Another tough day.  Judy is getting weaker and still unresponsive.  The palliative nurse said she is not in pain physically.  Any discomfort is soul pain.  The nurse said she is "in between two worlds". 

February 16

No one in the family slept well last night.  I was up early so I decided to visit Judy early in the morning.  God bless the wonderful nurses.  They were giving Judy a sponge bath when I arrived just to provide her more comfort.  I took some of Judy's favourite CDs from home...Kenny G (of course), Rankin Family, and Saskatoon Children's Choir.  The first song I played was The Irish Blessing and it drew an emotional sound from Judy.  The nurse suggested she would move Judy over to the right side of the bed so I could lay beside her for a snuggle.  I removed my shoes and spent some very precious time just lying beside Judy holding her and listening to music.  After spending the morning with Judy, I went home for lunch and a catnap.  David and I returned later in the afternoon.  Again, the family went up in shifts.  After leaving the hospital, David and I went for a long walk and capped the evening off with a delicious meal at our friends' house.

Judy was mostly unresponsive today; however, I could tell she was very much aware of our presence.  She was less restless.  The care she is receiving defies description.  These wonderful people take care of the patients and their families.  Thank God we have a facility like the SMU.

February 15

Today was another tough day.  The family went to the hospital in shifts.  Judy is a fighter and, as always, she never gives up.  She loves life and will never surrender.  She will fight to the finish.  I don't know when the end will come, but the end will come when it is supposed to come.  Until then, we will wait and be at Judy's side either physically or in spirit. 

I asked David to administer last rights today.  His words were so beautiful I want to end this post with the words that he shared.

Blessed be Thou Lord God of Israel forever and ever, all things in heaven and on Earth are thine. In Jesus name we embrace Judy at this moment.

I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year, "Give me a light that I may tread into the unknown. And he replied, "Go into the darkness and place your hand in the hand of God. That will be to you better than light and safer than a known way."

The love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us now and always. Amen.

Judy it is OK to let go. We all love you. The girls will be fine with the support of the good men in their lives. And Alvin will be well taken care of; I will take that on personally.

(Anointing with Holy Oil) - The Blessing of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit be with you now and always. Go in peace.

February 14

When David arrived this morning, Judy was being bathed and given a clean night gown.  She did not awaken.  After having a restless night, she was given a stronger medication for pain.  Mary and Morgan were with Judy from 11 until 1:30.  Apparently, she tried to sit up, but was unable.  I visited twice today, but she was zonked both times I was present.  Haley and Dustin reported that Judy spoke a few words in the middle of the afternoon.  She wanted a sip of water and asked to have her blankets turned down because she was hot.  She did not eat today.

February 13 Later In the Day

Judy was very restless today.  She struggled to find a position where her back would not cause her pain.  She was given medication to comfort her frequently today.  Her voice is very weak and she struggles to be coherent.  She has thoughts that she would like to express, but they are trapped inside her head.  I spent most of the morning and afternoon at the hospital.  Family members came and went.  When Mary and I left just after 5 pm, she was resting comfortably.  She did not eat today...only a couple sips of water.  During the afternoon, Judy wanted to sit up on the side of her bed.  Mary and I helped her sit up.  These are tough days for all of us, my friends.

February 13

It was the strangest thing.  I had visited Judy earlier yesterday and she was really out.  Sleeping soundly.  After I left, she woke and had a wonderful exchange with Mary. Haley was up later in the afternoon.  I had gone home to Vim, vacuum, and vacate the house of dirt, dust, and discard.  Then I had a long sleep.  I only woke because my neighbor rang the doorbell.  I had turned off my phone and Haley was trying to contact me.  She said that Judy woke again about 4:00pm and wanted Haley to get her some soup.  Judy ate a bowl of Timmy's soup and half a bun.  She was in pain, but refused painkillers because she wanted to stay awake.  Judy wanted to see David and I...right now.  I rushed to the hospital.  She was somewhat "with it".  No profound messages.  She fell asleep after an hour.

The report from this morning is: she was sleeping soundly, then woke with a lot of pain.  She is having meds and I suspect she will be resting peacefully when I get to St Pauls.

It's a roller coaster ride.

February 11

Without going into detail, I will just say that today was a day of more signs.  I must mention that Judy is very peaceful and comfortable.  Furthermore, she is receiving wonderful care.  The staff keeps family in the loop and perform their work with compassion and thoughtfulness.

On the weekend, Haley shared a wonderful message with me that she received from an old friend.  Her friend reads this blog daily and, to here, our story is a love story.  Let me tell you how the love story began. 

When I was in second, third, and fourth year of university, I rode the Number 7/Hudson Bay Park/Sutherland bus from Massey Place to the university.  Nearly every day, I saw a pretty little brunette get on the bus at the corner of 33rd and Avenue K.  Sometimes I would see the same little brunette in the cafeteria of the Education Building.  In the fall of 1977, I was driving down 2nd Avenue in Kelvington when I saw the same girl walking down the street leaving the highrises and fancy stores of Kelvington's central business district on her way to her basement suite at Annie Babacey's house.

It wasn't until the spring of 1978, that I was introduced to Judy by a friend of mine at a dine and dance.  Judy and I had a few dances and let me say right now that I have never danced with a better dancer than my dear wife.  She is poetry in motion.  As we danced, I told her I was working at Fort Battleford for the summer of '78 before starting my first teaching job in Wood Mountain, Saskatchewan.  Judy said she would be passing through Battleford with her friend, Gloria, on their way to a west coast holiday.  As promised, Judy stopped to see me on her way through Battleford because she was really interested in history...yeah, right!  We made arrangements to go out for a beverage in Saskatoon when she returned from her holiday.  Before I left for Wood Mountain, I took Judy out for a bevvy at The Pat.  When I went to pick Judy up, her dad took me downstairs to show me his running shoe collection.  Nothing strange about that!  The night ended with a civil handshake, but I was smitten.

During my first week of teaching, I received a letter from Miss Opheim.  I didn't open the letter for a long time.  My reason was: if I didn't open the letter, I could imagine all kinds of wonderful things she would say.  When I finally read the letter, the content was less than gratifying.  The letter was all about how homesick she was in Kelvington.  She craved the nightlife and amenities of the city.  Obviously, she hadn't acquired a taste for Wheat King hockey, the Kelvington Hotel Bar, and Ning's Cafe.

Things ran cool for a while, but then I got a summons from the Queen in early December.  She needed an escort for her school staff party so I drove five measly hours up to Kelvington so Judy would not be a wall flower at the staff party.  The night ended with Judy crying about some family issue that I didn't understand.  The crying things was a little "off putting" for me so I just let the phone go dead in our relationship.  We both moved on to other things.

In the fall of 1980, I moved to Prairie River where I was principal of a three room school.  Judy had moved to Saskatoon and was teaching at South Corman Park School.  She had turned 25 and said, "My goodness, I am 25 and I am not married. I'm going to be an old maid." So she decided to farm some of her former prospects.  I was the second person she called.  In fact, she called me on the first Friday of the school year to tell me she had sent me a letter and she suggested that we get together for a visit the next time I came to Saskatoon.  I said, "I am going to Saskatoon this weekend."  I also told her that I had become a born again Christian so...watch out!  She replied, "Yeah. Yeah. Whatever."

Well, we got together that weekend and we have been together ever since that first weekend of September in 1980.  Judy would travel to Prairie River when the weather was right and I would usually travel to Saskatoon most weekends.  In October of 1980, I broke my leg riding a horse and had to be air ambulanced into Saskatoon.  The upside of the broken leg was having to spend two whole weeks with Judy.  On the first day of Christmas holidays, I told Judy I loved her as we sat in front of her Christmas tree.  How appropriate for Mrs. Christmas.  On New Year's Day, I proposed to Judy and we were married on July 18, 1981.

Together, we have built a house and created a home for two wonderful daughters.  Indeed, the girls are the most wonderful manifestation of the love Judy and I have for each other.  There is so much of Judy in both girls.  They have appropriated all that is best in Judy.  Judy has created a legacy that will live on in her girls.  Judy will always be with us.  So there you have it The Love Story of the King and Queen.

February 10

I arrive at Judy's room just before noon.  Judy is partially awake.  She finds the strength to sit up on the side of her bed.  I hugged her then held both her hands.  Judy says, "I need to have a conversation with you, but I don't know what to say."  She starts to cry.
I say, "You know I love you, don't you?"
Judy replies, "You know I love you too."
I replied, "Then that's all that needs to be said."

Judy did not make it out of bed today.  She is very tired and frustrated with being in a confused state.  Her appetite is waning as well.  Her consumption today was the cream cheese of the Tim Horton's bagel she requested.  She did not eat lunch or supper.  Another frustration for Judy is her lack of fine motor control.  She is not able to take oral medications without assistance.  When we visited Judy later in the evening, she was more coherent mainly because she had a long sleep between 2:30 pm and 7:00 pm.  Even in her most confused state, she is still as regal and beautiful as ever.  No complaints.  No self-pity.  Always putting others first.  God Bless the Queen.

February 9

Judy slept most of the day today.  When the meds wear off, there is pain.  When the meds are in effect, there is fatigue and confusion.  David, Audrey, and I visited Judy in the early afternoon.  She was very groggy.  She requested that she have no visitors until she is feeling in more of a visiting mood. 
This afternoon, David and I prepared a roast chicken dinner for the girls and their guys.  Audrey brought her world famous layered salad.  I roasted the chicken and prepared the cheesy mashed potatoes.  David made a delicious homemade stove top stuffing.  The neighbor lady provided tarts for dessert.  All seven of us bombarded the chicken ranch next door for happy hour before we returned to our house for dinner.  We had a great time laughing, crying, and supporting one another.

February 8

Judy was quite tired today.  She asked Audrey, David, and me to hold off visiting until after noon.  When I arrived, we went for a little walk.  Audrey gave Judy a foot rub and David flirted with a 99 year old woman from down the hall.  Judy said she was wanting to go shopping with Mary to buy a fascinator.  Now, for all the gents who read this blog, you have another word to learn. A fascinator is: a woman's "head decorator", both "delicate" and "often frivolous," is designed to fascinate.  I am guessing this head decoration would be for Mary's wedding.  I find it fascinating there is such a thing.

We left around 3:30 because Judy had been given her meds.  When Mary visited at 5:30, Judy was still not awake.  Given Judy's present energy level, I am definitely curbing the number of people who visit Judy.  With due respect, I must say that Judy loves you all dearly, but she is not craving more visitors.  Those who wish to see her will have to be satisfied with photos and memories for the time being. In fact, Judy has asked for a sign to be posted on her door saying "No Visitors".  I understand everyone's desire to see Judy because they love her dearly, but rest assured no one in our family will consider you less a friend if you do not ask for a visit.  I do not mean to offend by taking this stand; however, I am sure that people can appreciate how difficult being the gatekeeper can be. 

February 7

We had another party in the Queen's bedroom today.  David, Haley, Dustin, Mary, Morgan, Audrey, and I all squeezed in to Judy's room.  Another advantage of the SMU rooms...there is room for a person who likes to rock, some comfy chairs, and big chairs for those who like to share.  David sat on the floor because he is Friendly.  We had a glorious time being together and Judy just laid there and took in the conversations.  Today was a wonderful time spent together in the presence of the Queen.

February 6

David and I went to the hospital to help Haley load Judy into the car for her excursion to the florist where they met Mary.  Something new that Judy is contending with is swollen feet and ankles.  Getting the little Judy shoes on the swollen Judy feet was a challenge.  Judy's excursion lasted two hours.  When she returned to the SMU, she was due for a long sleep.  David and I returned to visit Judy around 5:00 pm.  She was well rested; therefore, she was bright-eyed and bushy tailed. 
David and I rescued my son in law, Dustin, from a day of flower sniffing by leading him astray.  He joined David and I for some "shotgun therapy" at the Wakaw farm.  David, Dustin, and I handled a major snow man infestation at the farm, then we headed to the Crossroads for the usual post therapy banquet.  Another day well spent.

February 5

The day begins at 4:00 am when I wake up for the first time.  Sometimes I sleep in until 5.  I usually take a minimum of two hours to resume sleep.  By the time I fall asleep again, David leaves for his 6 am Starbucks on Broadway.  His greatest satisfaction in life is getting one of the big leather chairs so he can enjoy his vente skinny vanilla latte and his philosophy books.  David's next stop is Judy's room where he has a quality time with his big sister.  By 9 am, David returns to quarters to pick me up so he can transport me to volleyball.  When volleyball is over at 11:15, I wait outside like the neglected child of an unreliable parent for David to pick me up.  When David finally arrives, we pursue the 6000 calorie limit that he requires to stay alive.  Then it is nap time.  After nap time, David and I pay homage to the Queen who usually sleeps from 12:00-3:30 pm.  After our visit to the Queen, we return to quarters so David can splash with his tub toys and I go to the neighbors for Happy Hour and to feed the chickens in their garage.  The final act before bed time is to rely on the charity of friends for sustenance then head back to quarters for sleepy time.  Ah yes, a day in the life of a King.
Oh, by the way, Judy had a good day.  She is resting more each day.  The girls plan to take Judy to the florist tomorrow to pick out flowers for Mary's wedding.  Dave and I are off to the Farmer's Market for a morning cinnamon bun then we are traveling to the farm for more shotgun therapy.  When we return to Saskatoon, we will report to the Queen on the number of snowmen we wasted. 
Now, it's time for my pre-game nap.  Hockey begins in two hours.

February 4

Yesterday, David and I took Judy to Audrey's place for supper.  We left the hospital around 4:30 armed with syringes of saline, painkillers, and Gravol.  Judy was a little piggy.  She ate two cannelloni, cheese, crackers, veggies, dip, coleslaw, cheesecake, half a barley sandwich, and two glasses of fermented grapes.  She was tired by 7:00; therefore, we returned the Queen to St. Pauls.  As a side note, the meal she enjoyed going south eventually went north. 
Today, Judy spent the morning with Mary so they had a quantity time together.  Later in the afternoon, Audrey, David, and I had a little party with Judy.  As usual, she was entertained by her little brother who shaved his head as bald as a pool ball in support of a cousin who has been diagnosed with leukemia and undergoing chemo at RUH.  Audrey's duty to the Queen was to trim her hooves.  My job was to sit in the recliner rocker playing with the controls.  Chair goes up.  Chair goes down.  I also re-positioned Judy's table because the table had moved 3cm out of square.
Rest assured, Judy is being well cared for.

February 2

The first day in the SMU was a success.   The staff is amazing as their pre billing.  Judy found out her nurse's mother went to school with Judy's mother.  I found out one of Judy's doctors was raised in Wadena.  Kelvington is to Wadena as Dog River is to Wollerton, but I'm too big a man to carry on the fued. The approach in the SMU is somewhat different than what Judy has experienced in the last 17 weeks.  The staff do not routinely check vitals or blood tests.  There is no IV pole.  Medicines are injected through the PICC line or administered orally rather than IV bags. If she has pain, she gets pain killers.  If she is nauseous she get anti-nausea drugs.  If Judy is hungry, she eats; if she is thirsty, she has some water, ginger ale, or tea.  Starbucks must be imported.  Timmy's is right downstairs. Judy is developing a callous on her thumb from using her remote control to change channels on her flat screen TV. Judy's first impression of the room was positive because the baseboards were monochromatic.  I don't know what that means, but I think it is good. Trust Judy to notice the color of the baseboards.  By the way, she used monochromatic to describe the clothes I wore to church on Sunday.  Judy does love the big words.  Her all time favorite is still "ethereal", but "monochromatic" seems to be a strong second.

February 1

As I was on my way to the hospital this afternoon, I got a call from the RUH Palliative Care Coordinator.  She informed me there was a room available at the SMU.  After I arrived at Judy's room, we met with the coordinator and worked out the logistics of moving Judy.  Seeing the staff from the surgery ward offer their heartfelt good wishes to Judy was heartwarming.  They are an amazing group of human beings.  I am not just saying this because they read this blog.  Judy and I will forever have all of them in our hearts.
We traveled by ambulance to St. Pauls and arrived around 8:00 pm.  One of the ambulance drivers was from The Center of the Universe a.k.a. Kelvington.  No wonder he was bright, congenial, and in possession of a great sense of humor. We were introduced to the staff in the SMU, then David and I spent some time helping Judy settle in to her new quarters.  From Judy's room, she can see her childhood home at 1116 Avenue K.  The room has comfortable chairs and a flat screen TV.  When David and I left, Judy was getting ready to count sheep. Sweet dreams, Sweet Judy Two Shoes.